My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
