I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
