I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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