The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
