In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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