Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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