Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
love makes seman taste better
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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