Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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