girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
