I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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