Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
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