I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm passing your future prison.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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