youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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