Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
