And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
