I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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