youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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