and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
