you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
