also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
