I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
