Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
