I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
