Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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