Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
