there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
