i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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