I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
