Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
