Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
