wanna go halves on a baby?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
