In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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