i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm getting married
To pizza
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
