I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
