Got a toothbrush?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
