so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
