hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
