apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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