I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
