just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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