Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
