her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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