we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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