Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
