just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
