whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
