dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
