I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
