I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
