My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
