Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
They have beer where we have blood.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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