Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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