I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
