If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
