I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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