weddingsv make me drug and hornr
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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