I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
